I Will Not Settle

At least once a week, I see a post about “settling” for a person or hear from someone that I need to just pick a guy and “settle” down.  Why is it people feel the need to “settle” or push others to do the same?

Parents, well-meaning friends, and even some co-workers will try to encourage single people to “settle” down.  Why the push?  Is it that they are so blissfully happy in a relationship that they just want to others to experience the same?  Could it possibly be that they are secretly jealous that single people have the freedom that they may long for and that they themselves “settled” for something other than their ideal match? I’m sure that the parents and well-meaning friends just want the people in their lives to find love.  What they need to realize is, is that encouraging someone to “settle” may not be the best advice.

Some single people are perfectly happy to be single and dating.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.  The idea that everyone needs to be coupled up like animals about to board Noah’s Ark is asinine.  They may not be at a point in their lives where they are ready or willing to commit to another person.  Some people may be at a stage in their lives where they are just looking to enjoy the moment, while others may be biding their time until the perfect match crosses their path. Life is a journey.  The path we choose twists and turns along the way.  Some people are content to travel that path alone throughout their lives, while others travel solitary for a while until the meet a companion that makes the journey even more enjoyable.

To me, “settling” means accepting something or someone less worthy than what you deserve.  For me, that is not an option. I consider it a negative.  It means that the relationship stagnates and does not grow, which is not a good thing in my book.  Any relationship that you choose to be in should be one that continues to grow, mature and develop through time. It should consist of two people that are not only on the same path in life, but willing to run headlong down that path, eager to find the next adventure together.

I would much rather be single and happy, than “settle” for any relationship that is a poor imitation of the real thing.  I am quite happy to date for now.  Should the right person come along, I would willingly jump into the relationship with both feet.  I am willing to wait for the person that is ready and willing to share all that life has to offer and looks forward to growing and exploring the path ahead with me, side by side.  I am looking for someone who is eager to see what is around the next corner, not someone willing to sit on the sidelines while life passes them by.

I do know this… I will not “settle” for anything less.

This was previously posted in another forum and added here for content.

The Letter…

I decided to do some spring cleaning and finally go through some of the old papers I had accumulated.  I have to confess, this is long past due.  I also tend to keep cards, letters and old movie stubs.  Why?  I guess I am just sentimental.  If I was a more organized person, I would put them in a scrapbook so they would at least be in some semblance of order.  As it is, every now and then I come across something from long ago, usually during a yearly purge session that brings a smile to my face.  It’s kind of like Christmas or going on an Easter Egg Hunt.  There is just an unexpected gift that makes my day.

The other day, while doing this purge, I came across an old love letter from a previous flame.  The letter that he wrote was written when our relationship was new and we were both unsure of what the future held, and if we should even proceed with a relationship.  In this letter he said some things that were very meaningful, that I’d like to share with you.

“I know we have the chance to have something special together.  I no longer question that.  In order to reach that, however, there is some risk involved and in this case, the risk is huge.  The more you are willing to risk, the bigger the reward will be.”

He was right.  What we had was special, and the risk was huge.  I risked my heart getting broke if it didn’t work out, as did he.  The relationship changed dramatically over the years, and my heart took a beating.  It may not have broken, but it did get battered and bruised.  Would I do it again?  Absolutely!  While the relationship didn’t work out, I have some great memories and learned some things both about life and myself.  But if I had never taken the risk of giving the relationship a chance to grow, I would have missed out on those five years.

There were some other things in that letter, but I’m afraid they will remain private.  😉   I should probably throw out the letter, but I won’t.  When I sat there on that rainy day, and re-read what my old flame had written it made me smile, and reminded me of days filled with laughter and nights of love.  In re-reading that old letter, I was able to look past the nasty breakup we had and instead remember why we had fallen in love to begin with.  By this I mean when I think of this person now, I won’t think of the final time we had contact, the bitter words we spoke, or think of this person with anger over how things ended.  Instead I’ll remember his words from this letter, and genuinely be able to look back on the relationship and remember the good times too.  In re-reading that old letter, it did remind me that we had some truly awesome times.  There are some memories that I will always treasure from my time with him.

Some may say it’s better to just throw out all things from the past but I don’t agree.  I’m not saying you should live in the past, but to revisit it once in a while, and reflect upon it isn’t necessarily a bad thing.  As a matter of fact, I think it’s pretty healthy.  You can learn a lot from the past.   This old letter made me smile on a rainy day and once again reminded me that you have to be willing to risk you heart to get that great reward of love.



This blog was written previously and added for content.